Sometimes you order something online, only for it to arrive in a different size and color than you were expecting. The Mazda MX-5 Miata is not one of those things. It will never disappoint you, and I guarantee you won’t regret buying one. So do it. Buy a new Mazda Miata. Come on, what are you waiting for? A sign? This is your sign. I am the prophet. The car gods have sent me to preach their message of salvation, and today I speak unto you, “Go buy a Mazda Miata. You will not regret buying a Mazda Miata.”
Now, $32,640 is a lot of money, at least if you’re spending it. It probably feels like a lot less if it’s your annual income. But even if you make $326,400 a year, it’s still not a sum many people will spend on a whim. Divide that MSRP by 60, though, and you get a much more manageable $544. A lot of people have room in their budget to spend $544 if they get creative with it. And if you’re one of those people, the best thing you could do with that money would be to spend it on a new Mazda Miata.
Typically, you’ll hear that a new car can only fix the problems in your life that your current car is causing. A new truck, for example, can’t fix the fact that women find your personality off-putting and weird. Anyone who tells you that is probably right, but they’re also wrong. Because while that’s true for other cars, there’s no problem in your life that a Mazda Miata can’t fix.
There’s nothing the Miata can’t do
Do you wish you had more friends? Buy a Miata, and you’ll instantly be friends with every Miata owner and car enthusiast that you meet. Do you like talking to old people? Good. Because you’re friends with all of them now, and I’m sorry, but they’re all yappers. Everywhere you go, you’ll find a community of Miata lovers, and because of that, you’ll never be lonely again. Because you have a Miata, and no one can possibly be lonely as long as they own a Miata.
Are you trying to make yourself more attractive? I hear tall people are more attractive. And while doing something about your height is incredibly expensive and involves a long recovery, you can easily make your car shorter. By buying a Mazda Miata. How can you possibly look short if you’re taller than your car? That’s why everyone who drives an Escalade, Tahoe, or Suburban looks so short. They aren’t taller than their cars, and it throws off the perspective.
Have other problems? Well, a Mazda Miata once treated my sciatica. And my brother once told me that after the first time he drove a Miata, his IBS was cured. And then there’s my friend’s cousin, who says his hair regrew even thicker than before, and his ex-wife realized she loved him again. All within a week of buying a Miata. It sounds miraculous, but I swear, it’s true. Those are all real things that definitely happened, all because of the magic of the Mazda Miata.
Now, if you buy a new Miata, can I guarantee that you’ll look better naked, never have to worry about health problems again, finally receive that apology from your mother, fall deeper in love than you ever thought possible, win a Mega-Millions jackpot, and adopt the one dog that lives as long as you do? Yes. Yes, I can. Because there’s nothing the Mazda Miata can’t do. And you should buy one. I promise you won’t regret buying a new Mazda MX-5 Miata.
